Holde Kunst

British TV has its versions of Idol, Dancing with the “Stars”, and other celebrity fish-out-of-water talent shows just like we Americans do. But some of their competition shows are about classical music, something that would bewilder the average American.  They’ve had Idol-like shows to choose classical instrumentalists and opera singers, and are soon to be treated to a new show called Maestro, where celebs will vie for the chance to lead a professional orchestra on TV on the Last Night of Proms.

Anyone with orchestral playing experience knows that an orchestra can play most pieces trainwreck-free, without a conductor. And the piece selected for the final night of Proms won’t be a conducting challenge on the order of, say, Das Rheingold. They’ll pick something where the celebrity conductor can just “wave the stick till the music stops, then turn around and bow.”

I would watch this show if any of the contestants were familiar to me. But, I’d be doing so out of semi-professional interest. And British TV is full of classical concerts, which are hard to find on American TV. Would a show like this succeed on American TV?

I don’t really have an opinion, but the success (and planned copies) of the Met movie theater broadcasts suggests it perhaps could. Dancing with the Stars suggests the same. Three years ago the idea of ballroom dancing on not one but two prime-time nights would have been unthinkable. But watching celebrities step out of their comfort level and try something very unfamiliar and very difficult turned out to be very fun, whether it was Tucker Carlson so out of his element that he literally had to sit down for most his Cha-Cha (pronounced “an awful mess” by one judge), or Emmitt Smith proving as fleet-footed on the dance floor as he is on the football field.  I really only followed one cycle (lured in by Tucker) , but I rooted for actor Harry Hamlin, who was so stiff but who so obviously wanted to emulate wife Lisa Rinna’s success on the show. He somehow got good enough to star in Chicago. Like I said, it’s fun to see people stretch themselves.

Now, ballroom dancing has gone somewhat mainstream. The professional dancers who teach and partner the pundits, supermodels and star athletes have become TV stars themselves. There are national tours featuring the more danceworthy celebs, and at least two recent ballroom dance films. And USA Dance, a nonprofit group ballroom dance as an Olympic sport, reports a 30 percent increase in its membership since the show debuted.

But now we’re talking classical orchestral music, which “every knows” is different. Would classical music, unlike ballroom dance, crash and burn on reality TV?

Well, let’s be optimistic (or pessimistic if the idea disgusts you), because I’ve already started casting my first season. Here are some celebrities I’d like to see try their hand at conducting, and the pieces they should take a crack at.

• David Chase (Sopranos creator) conducting Schubert’s “Unfinished” Symphony
  
• Dr. Phil, conducting the “Pathetique”
• Bo Derek, conducting “Bolero”
• Kevin Federline, conducting a Mad Scene (Lucia or Hamlet, either one. Or maybe Elektra.)
  
• Bob Dylan (or maybe Todd Haynes) conducting Elgar’s Enigma Variations
  

Tags: Culture